


Sleepless and Lost (I'm already gone)

by 7_Magpies



Series: Shyan Song Fics [11]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I wrote this instead of doing homework so please read it, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oneshot, Ryan Bergara Being an Idiot, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Song: Lonely Hearts Club (Winona Oak), Songfic, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26383957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7_Magpies/pseuds/7_Magpies
Summary: Shane and Ryan are having a rough week. Both of them got dumped around the same time. In their commiseration, though, some discoveries are made.-----This is a songfic based on "Lonely Hearts Club" by Winona Oak. It's a one-shot and unrelated to other works in this series.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: Shyan Song Fics [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857880
Comments: 13
Kudos: 89





	Sleepless and Lost (I'm already gone)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, friends! Hope you like this, I was procrastinating my school work hardcore, so here we are again. 
> 
> Many thanks to the Bridge Club for liking the short bit I sent you all and thereby aiding and abetting my being a terrible student ;)
> 
> Also be sure to give the song a listen if you're unfamiliar, it's a bop.

_“Picking up the pieces_

_Wishing it was easy_

_Trying to hold on to what’s already gone”_

Ryan and Shane met for drinks late on Saturday. They didn’t do that a lot, but it had been a rough week for them both. 

They sat at a table in the back of the bar, watching people milling about. The room was darkly lit and warm from the summer night air outside. They didn’t talk a lot, which Ryan knew was weird. Usually they wouldn’t shut up around each other, referencing movies and keeping bits going too long that no one else finds funny. 

Instead, they sat. 

“Still feels weird, doesn’t it?” Shane said after a while of neither speaking except to ask for another drink. 

“Yeah. We’d been together for a while, so had you two.”

Shane nodded. Instead of gesturing wildly like usual, he had his hands still. Ryan didn’t think he’d ever seen Shane so still except while asleep. Usually if one of them went through a bad breakup, the other was there. This was the first time they had ever gone through a breakup so close to the same time. Neither felt much like lightening the mood. 

“I kind of want to text her, ya know? Try and get her back,” Ryan mused, tracing his finger through the condensation on the bottle. 

Shane nodded. “I know.”

_“Just floating through the weekend,_

_Drunk until we’re speechless._

_Killing for a feeling and a place to belong -_

_A place to belong._

_We’re already gone.”_

The next day, Ryan woke up on Shane’s couch. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, still bleary from the night before when he realized there was a blanket over him and his shoes weren’t on his feet. His head felt like it was swimming and he shook it as though that would help his mind realize he was not floating. 

He heard movement in Shane’s kitchen and went in to find his friend starting some coffee. “Morning,” Shane said over his shoulder.

“Morning. When did we get here?”

“About midnight. You were so bad you couldn’t talk. Advil’s in the cabinet, you’re gonna want some.”

Ryan nodded and grabbed the pill bottle, careful not to make any sudden movements. “Did I walk?”

“Mostly. I had to help you. You’re not light, ya know?” 

Before Ryan could answer, there was a knock at the door. While Shane answered it, Ryan considered how to ask about the blanket covering him when he woke up. That left his mind when Shane came in holding a couple of paper bags that smelled delicious. “I ordered some food. Wasn’t completely sure what you’d like, so I just ordered everything,” he said smiling.

Ryan nodded, smiling back. _How long has he been this nice?_

Thinking back, that was the moment that the dots connected. The moment he realized he was so far gone for Shane. He didn’t realize it at the time, though. 

“Thanks. And thanks for letting me stay here.”

“No worries,” Shane said cheerily, setting the bags down and pouring coffee. “You’re always welcome here, you know that.”

_“We’re the lonely hearts club,_

_We’re losing in love._

_We’re shaking it, shaking it up._

_We’re the lonely hearts club,_

_We’re sleepless and lost,_

_We’re shaking it, shaking it up.”_

That week at work went by mostly uneventfully. Well, as uneventful as life working at Buzzfeed ever was. Shane had gotten roped into some kind of taste test video that he seemed not to enjoy very much, and Ryan thanked everything he could think of that he had missed out on one of the “Guys Try-” videos. He stopped reading after the first two words as he felt flashbacks to the swimwear video. 

The crew seemed to realize that they had both had a rough week, because TJ let them continue on with a lame bit longer than usual and Mark brought them both coffee from the break room when they were in the sound booth. 

Friday night, Ryan went back to Shane’s to watch a Netflix movie. They ended up not paying much attention to it because they went right back to how they normally were, joking and making fun of each other.

One notable difference that Ryan didn’t let himself think about too closely was the fact that Shane rested his hand on Ryan’s knee in between gesturing for effect. 

It was just some contact. Not a big deal. Not like anything had changed.

He felt like it had, though. 

They ended up not going to bed, staying up on the couch until morning talking about whatever came to mind. 

Ryan let his head rest on Shane’s shoulder. Just another small change. Not a big deal.

It felt like it was, though.

_“Threw up in the bathtub,_

_Laid down on the bathrug,_

_Didn’t fall asleep, I was already gone.”_

The next day, Ryan drank. He drank too much. He knew it as he did it, but he didn’t even care. Afterwards he lay on the floor of his bathroom, regretting a number of life decisions, when he heard someone come in. 

“Ryan?” a voice called from the living room.

“Hm?” Ryan couldn’t make himself answer in words very well.

Shane’s giant head stuck in the bathroom. “Hey, man, are you alright? You look like shit.”

“Gee. Thanks,” he answered quietly, his voice scratchy. 

“Come here.” Shane leaned over and took Ryan’s hands, pulling him to stand up. “Let’s get you to bed.” 

Ryan nodded, closing his eyes tightly to try and help the pain subside. Instead of the ringing in his skull, he focused on Shane, who had pulled Ryan’s arm around his shoulder and was walking him into his bedroom. His body was firm and warm where Ryan was pressed against him. “What are you doing here?” Ryan asked, his words slurred together despite his efforts.

“You weren’t answering your phone. Got worried. The front door was unlocked.” They reached Ryan’s bed and Shane sat him down as lightly as he could. “Lay on your side.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Surely Ryan imagined the hand in his hair, smoothing his bangs away from his face. 

He wouldn’t call it sleep. It was more that he closed his eyes and opened them again to see that an hour had passed. He sat up and found a cup of water next to his bed and that Shane had pulled the blankets over him. His phone was on the bedside table, too. When he opened it, there was a text from Shane asking him to text back when he woke up.

The dots had already been connected, but that was when Ryan allowed himself to think it. _I’m so gone for him._

_“Just floating through the weekend,_

_Tired of all the pretense._

_Searching for somebody_

_And a place to belong -_

_A place to belong._

_We’re already gone.”_

That night Ryan felt better. He called Shane. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing, just wanted to let you know I’m still doing okay.” The reason sounded weak to his own ears, but he didn’t really care. He just wanted to talk to Shane. 

“That’s good. Thanks.” 

They didn’t talk for a moment, but then they both started to talk at the same time.

“Sorry, go ahead,” Ryan laughed.

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“Okay. Um. I just wanted to ask if you were busy.”

“So was I. So I guess I’ll take it as a no?”

“Yeah.” Ryan smiled, despite how awkward the conversation felt. 

“Wanna come hang out?”

“Sure. I’ll be over in a few.” They hung up and Ryan kept smiling to himself, feeling almost giddy. He liked it at Shane’s. It was quieter, even though Ryan’s roommates had all been gone all day. And, yeah, it was just so _Shane._ Everywhere in the apartment just screamed _Shane_ and Ryan kind of loved it. It felt like home.

_“You’re the voice in my head,_

_You draw me to bed._

_You make my decisions,_

_No, you don’t listen._

_You don’t listen.”_

He didn’t mean to mention his feelings, honest. It just kind of happened. They had been laughing at something one of them had said that really wasn’t funny, and Shane just looked… Ryan didn’t know how to describe it. His crow’s feet were deep because of how wide he was smiling, and his eyes were bright. His arms were across the back of the couch, one of them almost around Ryan’s shoulders, his legs stretched out in front of him, and all of the sudden Ryan was hit with a tidal wave of _want._ He wanted Shane, any way he could have him. 

“I love you,” Ryan said before he could even think about the words coming out of his mouth.

Shane stopped for a second and seemed taken aback before saying “yeah, I love you, too.”

“No, Shane, I love you.”

All of the sudden Shane was pulling back in on himself, his arms moving next to his body and his legs folding below him. “Ryan… look, you just went through a break up, and we’ve been around each other a lot -”

“No, I know, okay? I’m not a kid, stop treating me like one.’ Ryan couldn’t fight the exasperation in his voice and he put a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “I love you.” Before he could overthink it, he leaned over and kissed Shane on the cheek, feeling the stubble rub across his lips. When he pulled back, Shane was beginning to flush with color. 

“Ryan, I think you’re tired, you can sleep in my bed, I’ll crash in here.” He kept tripping over his own words. 

“Listen to me, Shane. What will it take for me to convince you? If you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine, we can pretend this never happened. But don’t try to tell me what I feel or don’t feel.” He was feeling anger rising under his skin, the adrenaline of the confession followed by the conversation rushed through his veins and his fingers felt like they were tingling with it. 

“It’s not -” Shane sighed, putting his face in his hands. “I love you. And if you realize that you didn’t mean it, I don’t think my heart will be able to take it.”

Just like that, Ryan deflated. All the anger and frustration left his body, and he felt like his chest was caving in under the weight of Shane’s confession. “Look at me.” 

Shane pulled his hands down from his face and slowly looked up to meet Ryan’s eyes. 

“I mean it. This isn’t a trick. I’m not confused. I love you. And I’m going to kiss you now unless you tell me not to.”

He didn’t. 

Ryan felt like the weight of the world lifted off of his shoulders when he kissed Shane. They were soft and slow, each scared of frightening the other away. 

Ryan pulled away and looked at Shane’s face, at his droopy eyes and awkward smile. _I’m so gone for him._

  
 _But maybe that’s not a bad thing,_ chimed in a new voice in Ryan's head, a voice that sounded like Shane, as they kissed again.

**Author's Note:**

> So...? What'd you think? Be sure to let me know! I love comments! Kudos rock, too, just sayin'
> 
> If you liked this make sure to check out my other stuff <3


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